Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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