my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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