If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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