i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
