I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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