I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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