What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
