oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
