wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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