Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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