masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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