His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
