I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.