Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.