and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
