I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
