I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
