weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize