I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
