I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
