if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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