I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Randomize
