i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
either way he was missing a nipple.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
