tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
