He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
