I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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