They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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