Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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