better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
