Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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