pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
