At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
