Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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