Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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