Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
