You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
