Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize