he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
