Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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