I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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