Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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