I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
