I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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