dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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