Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
