I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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