dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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