In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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