turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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