remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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