So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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