piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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