Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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