Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
