I think my fart just growled at me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
