I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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