So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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