I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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