is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
