Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
